An Exam Stress Guide to Parents

The modern world has put children through tremendous pressure of fierce competition. This calls for our understanding of the stress that is seen both in parents and children during exams. It is important to understand that an optimum level of stress stimulates a person to achieve peak performance. This level of stress is called the eustress causes arousal for better performance. The level of stress gets alarming when it interferes with our normal functioning and achieving our academic goals.

The following graph depicts the various levels of stress and its correlation with optimal functioning. This is with reference to Hans Selye, father of modern stress.

——Explanation of the graph goes here—————–

Thus we can clearly conclude that some amount of stress is beneficial. As a parent, how can one differentiate between advantageous and detrimental stress. Since there is a very fine line between the two, parents need to look out for the following symptoms and the severity of such symptoms.

• The first category consists of behavioral patterns like frequent complaints of illness from the child such as diarrhea, headache, stomach ache, nausea, sleeplessness, palpitations or perspiration. This may result in missing out on deadlines. Deadlines can be both associated with studies, project submissions, or any other work.
• The second is the sleeping and eating patterns. Some children are prone to avoiding meals while stressed and others indulge in obsessive behaviors like overeating or consuming comfort foods like chocolates or caffeinated drinks. It is necessary for your ward to get enough sleep as sleeplessness can hamper memory and concentration. Phones and laptops should be completely avoided before at least an hour of going to bed.
• The third can be observing interpersonal relationships and concerned behaviors. Teenagers show over-involvement in social life and this becomes a distraction from real issues. It is very common to observe break-ups and quarrels among teenagers during examinations. It is a form of defense mechanism to escape the anxiety of stress from conflict in relationships. Other than this, children are also prone to sulking, irritable behaviors, and rebelliousness.

The severity of symptoms and coping ability of the child are to be closely observed. If the symptoms persist even after repeated reassurance and strategizing with the child, it is an indication that the level of stress is detrimental and may lead to interference with the thinking ability of the child. This discrimination will help the parent understand the graveness of the anxiety experienced by their child and the following strategies can be extremely helpful.

• Watch out for procrastination in any work or deadlines. The added pressure of project and assignment submission, school farewells, and holiday events can bog down your child. Make sure to take care of the deadlines and help in taking care of the extra activities. Do not let your child skip important events and revision tests.
• Make sure your child has all the needed supplies like books, pens, project files, etc.
• Extra emphasis should be laid on a healthy diet and a good amount of sleep at least 3 months of the examination. A timer can be set for the use of gadgets and leisure activities. Physical activities must be incorporated as it provides a very good vent for pent-up emotions and also makes the mind and body healthy and receptive.
• Try to strike a balance between working hard and rewarding. This will help in reinforcing positive behaviors over a period of time. Avoid any form of overindulgence.
• Demarcate between managing and micro-managing. Keep checking on the progress of the set schedules and reschedule after mutual agreement. This will help the child develop self-efficacy where he will feel in control of the outcomes of his life.
•  Help the child develop an optimistic view of the competition. Be aware of your own fears, anxieties, and unrealistic pressures being projected on the child.
• Avoid being impatient and intrusive.
• Get in touch with teachers and mentors to understand your child’s performance and use the feedback to strategize better.
• Utopian expectations should be avoided at all costs. Realistic and planned goals with no anxious assumptions is the key.
• Make sure to rehearse the final attempt multiple times. This may include school tests, unit exams, or even pre-boards. This is a very good way to promote confidence in the child.
• Comparing your own child with someone else’s is the worst thing that can put your child through tremendous underlying pressure. To quote someone else’s success should only mean making the child open to new ideas and strategies. It should not imply being equated with someone else.

Parents play a pivotal role in shaping a child. It is at home, that child learns his thought and behavior patterns sometimes consciously and other times subconsciously in an informal way. This is why anxious parents lead to anxious kids. It is the parents that have the capability to influence their children in a way so that they can cope with most of the stressors. Democratic parenting is one of the ways that have been proven to produce better adjusted kids. A good example is when the child gets to discuss and decide his own schedule with the parent and in case he fails to stick to it, the consequences are clearly stated like cancelling a treat or an outing. A healthy balance needs to be set between boundaries, autonomy and responsibility. Perfectionism in parents has been associated with anxiety in children as it makes them set unreasonable standard for themselves and it makes them pre-occupied with the fear of making mistakes. This may also lead to procrastination as they might not be able to pick up and finish tasks with ease.

Starting early is essential because children learn and form social schemas as early as two years of age. These are formed through life experiences and are stored in the brain. This develops into a cognitive structure which provides a basic understating of our social world and in turn governs our behavior. So a child who has been raised in anxious households finds it extremely hard to adjust well in society. Imagine a child was put through impractical expectations since an early age and whenever he failed to attain success, he was put through immense emotional and physical abuse disguised as punishment. This fear schema thus formed will operate in the child’s mind throughout his life. Every time he will be preparing for an exam he will be crippled by these thoughts of disaster and failure. These fears will set on early during the preparatory phase and have the potential to become so big that the child may not just underperform but may blank out completely during the exam.

Warm parenting has been found to give rise to feelings of acceptance in the child and it makes him assess circumstances more as a challenge which can be overcome and less like a threat that causes worry. This acceptance by parents provides relief to the child from the feelings of helplessness and insecurities.

Keep away from negative communication styles. For example, say, ‘You will not be able to achieve your target if you don’t stick to the schedule’ rather than saying, ‘you will fail if you don’t study.’

Apart from all the factors mentioned, economic circumstances, balanced involvement of parents in academic activities, healthy and clear communication and problem focused strategies have been positively related with exam stress.

With all the examples cited above, it is evident that family anxiety plays a prominent role in anxious cognitive styles of the child. Therefore, it is exceedingly essential that parents are aware of their own thinking and behavioral patterns.

Dr. Selye at his self-designed desk in his office dictating notes into the microphone, at the University of Montreal.

 End moment tips:

• First and foremost, maintain a positive attitude and environment around the child. Last moment chaos, frustration and conflicts’ should be avoided. Special care should be taken of the conveyance and articles needed in the exam hall.
• Avoid cramming one night before the exam. This will cause more confusion about various concepts and will increase the apprehensions about preparations already done.
• Practice relaxation technique like deep breathing or any other form of meditation to steer clear from self-depreciating thoughts.
• Steer clear of speaking of any consequences positive or negative. Reinforce the importance of here and now so that the child can demonstrate his potential without fears of the future.
• Go through the instructions on the admit card and make sure you understand and follow them.
• Stay away from people who have the capacity to provoke anxiety in others.
• Read the question thoroughly and strategize the answer according to the marks it carries.

In the end, we all need to understand and appreciate every child for his uniqueness. Exams are not the only yardstick to measure a child’s potential. It is the skills that a child learns through the process of examination that stay with him and help him cope better with the challenges throughout life.